Got a toothbrush?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
