Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
