No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
