hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
