Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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