i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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