If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
