11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
