Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
