Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
