I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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