I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
