I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
