Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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