im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This house was built for laser tag.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize