He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
