i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
