Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
