I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
