Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
