Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
