she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i think i just lost a toe
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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