haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
