I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
