quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
