My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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