there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
