Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
