I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
