You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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