I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
