well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
