You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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