He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
why is half of my head shaved?
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