i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
