Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
