hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
