He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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