I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize