it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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