They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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