so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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