An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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