Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
