Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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