How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Terrible idea I love it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
