dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
