We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
where are my eyebrows?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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