Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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