i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He better not be in your backpack
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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