i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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