She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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