Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
tell your sister to shave her snatch
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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