i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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