Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
