community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
