Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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