I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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