Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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