I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
