dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
