I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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