i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
