So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
