so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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