It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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