you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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