a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
