I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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