I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
