I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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