there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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