I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
