Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
