Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
