Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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