New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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