Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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