My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
