weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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