Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
