You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
from now on my penis is your penis
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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