I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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