ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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