everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
